Starting over, again. And again.

I really like making plans. When I decide to lose weight or train for a race, I bust out a calendar and plot out Future-Me’s progress. I feel so in control! On Day One, I’m always Bilbo, setting out on an adventure. We all know how that ends. The first thing Bilbo and I want is second breakfast.

Laying out plans has actually worked for me in the past, and I managed the inevitable detours along the way. But for some reason, it doesn’t anymore. Once I come across an obstacle, I am completely derailed and I give up on my plans. (There have been more obstacles lately, I’ll admit.) So I’ve decided to stop doing the thing that doesn’t work, and instead approach every single day as Day One.

It’s simple and I’m not the first to think of it. “One Day at a Time” is the slogan for Alcoholics Anonymous, for good reason. I hope…please, let it be so…that I am at my own “rock bottom” in terms of weight right now. The scale has been climbing steadily for years, but that has been less of a concern than the comfort that calories provide. As of March 1, 2017, the number on the scale is almost 200. It doesn’t matter how much I tell myself I don’t care, and it’s no longer enough that my adorable boyfriend genuinely thinks I’m beautiful anyway. This number really matters, and I need to find a new way to face it.

So this is my new way: every day is Day One. This is where I’ll write about my good days, my bad days, my progress, my slip-ups, and hopefully, the many ways I find to love myself back into health. And maybe someday, someone will see this and say, “Me too!” and they will find in it the hope they need.

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