I noticed that a coworker’s face looked a little thinner, and I asked her if she’d lost some weight. She said yes and then spent the next fifteen minutes berating herself for having gained back what she’d lost before.
I get it. We don’t want to identify with the version of ourselves that seems out of control or weak. That certainly true for me. This is how I feel when I allow myself to look at my body now, which my prefrontal cortex recognizes as an unhelpful attitude. But my prefrontal cortex is really bad at managing stress and seeking pleasure, so it hasn’t offered a lot of solutions.
I’m pleased that this week has been not that bad. I had a wicked headache for a few days that medicine didn’t seem to touch. That has subsided today, and instead I had a floaty, somewhat dizzy feeling that I guessed had something to do with not eating sugar? My brain isn’t starving for carbs, because I’m eating plenty of that in the form of fruit and vegetables. So far today I’ve had a banana, a protein shake, a whole bunch of cottage cheese, a cup of berries, an almond butter packet, a big portion of salmon, and salad.
I did a little workout at the gym with one of their videos. I admit that I like it better (for now) than working out with other people, which is strange because working out with other people used to be my thing. This way feels much more controllable, like I won’t be tempted to walk out of the workout as I often feel when it’s just way over my head, as with yoga. Yoga is for people who are already lithe and willowy. If you are not already lithe and willowy, yoga is essentially getting a face full of your own boobs as you embrace your inner Yogini in the downward dog position, and aching wrists. And on that note, I will leave you with this little greeting card by these people, which I bought in bulk today.